Looking for a Chair

So lately, life, more specifically my "spiritual life" (though I believe there should be no distinction)has been a little....weird. Not bad, but definately very hard. I've been struggling with many things of the heart, things like pride, masked as self loathing. I don't know what it is about me that I find it so easy to compare myself to others and I am always the worst. While these comparisons may be true, they are a waste of time. Donald Miller said something to the effect of "The greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of sin, but to get us wasting time" In other words, the tricks of the enemy are not obvious. We can claim that there is "a devil behind every bush" and for some this may be true, but I think for the most part, the devil would rather have us think everything's fine than be screaming at the Lord. If we are screaming at Him, we are at least engaging Him.....but for me, my eyes tend so easily to be on myself. I wish I could spend more time loving Jesus and less time hating myself. Though there is nothing beautiful about me, there is some sick part of my flesh that still just wants to sit and stare at the nastiness of my being rather than stare at the glory and beauty of my Savior. The Lord gave me a picture or a vision or whatever you want to call it a few years ago when I was struggling with a similar problem (this is not a new issue for me)I saw myself in a room looking at a two way mirror.I knew the Lord was on the other side and that I was trying to convince myself that by staring into the mirror for long enough (which is really just staring at myself) I would somehow see Him. The Lord spoke to me that instead of continuing to look in the mirror, I should instead start looking around me for a chair to smash the mirror with. That is where I am now. I long to have this part of myself cut away by You, Lord! I am trying to have the correct response to this time in my life, but it seems that insecurities and depression for me, at least right now, are something I desperately want to get rid of,but am finding it difficult to put an end to. I want to not be the wet blanket that I know I am in these times as I am hypersensitive and tend to drag others down with me. I am learning the hard way what it means to take evry thought captive to Christ.I have been asking the Lord to transform my mind and to somehow be glorified through me by some miracle. Make me transparent Lord!!! I just long to see His face instead of mine. I know He's working on me though, my prayers have never fallen on deaf ears and I know that when this time is over my identity in Him will be stout and my testimony stronger making my ministry far more effective. I am really looking forward to that :)