More Undignified, More Unafraid

So during our study tonight (1 Corinthians 1) we talked about the foolishness of the world and the wisdom of God, and about the base and foolish things of the world being used by God so that no flesh should glory in His presence. I love how the Lord does this; it's like He's reading my mail....I wish I would be as attentive to Him as He offers to be attentive to me. Anyway, for me, the application for this scripture really applies to my last post. The Lord has called me away from the life of normalcy proposed by this world. What this looks like specifically is yet unknown, but as of late, Egypt has been tempting me back into that place where I just plain don't want to look foolish to anyone whether it's for the Lord or not. The enemy is trying to convince me that I can be the "cool" girl for the Lord. This is especially true in my work environment. I am employed by a woman who I think loves the Lord. Other than that, my working environment is very wordly-there is a huge gossip epidemic in our tiny office and my fear daily has become that I will be the subject for the day. Yes! You heard (read) correctly! I am afraid of being the weird girl because I know these women will shred me with their words. This fearful, fleshly part of me wants to hide behind normalcy. What a shame! I hope and pray that the Lord would give me boldness to become undignified in a life or worship to Him, and after that to make me even more undignified! I want to have the heart of David, to dance like a wild woman because of who my Savior is! I believe the world is hungry for this experience! The church is so normal- it looks so much like the rest of the world. Think about statistically, how many people in your congregation actually truly know Jesus in a real surrendered sort of way? The church tries to reach people by being and acting just like them, at least that's what I do. This is not how I am supposed to live for Jesus! This is not how Jesus lived: He stood against the hypocrisy of the establishment of the day and did not make Himself just like the sinners He ministered to (except for making Himself human, but hey, I've got that one down) He was strikingly different than everyone else around Him. They don't crucify folks for being normal, for playing Christian and going to church. They crucify people for being weirdos and while I don't necessarily WANT to be crucified, I DO want to glorify my God. This means being a weirdo just like Him. An interesting point that came up in the middle of our conversation tonight was that Paul says that he was "all things to all men" and if we are to be so different, how do we fit this in? The answer, I believe is that we come to a place where we are relate-able in our strangeness. I need to find places to connect with the women I work with without being just like them. Basically, what the Lord taught me today is something that is so fundamental, that I know, but that I desperately need to remember right now and that is this: That in my unperfection, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who knows what He's doing.
I used to make art when I was a bit younger- I did a lot of pen and ink stuff to try and channel my teen angst :) I never wanted to show it to anyone because I was afraid they would make fun of me or think it was horrible or stupid or something. Now, I don't know if I ever made any good art, but I did learn something from my mother (an artist herself and one of the bravest people I know) through this process of hiding. She told me that it was not fair of me to take a gift that I had been given and hide it from the world. My weirdness is my me-ness. It is my testimony and it is foolish to the world, it is glorifying to God. The Lord asked "who lights a lamp and hides it under a basket?" That is what He is asking me now.